Unresolved
I've never looked into night from day
like I did today.
37,000 feet over the globe
My thoughts are of a way
to resolution
Above the clouds
this plane is brought between a
setting sun and a dark horizon
shadowed here I sit.
One drink down, then two
and I find myself writing to you.
Amidst positive reflection
a deeper introspection
finds a question
still unanswered
In my ears a song
in my mind
a smile I find
continues
to haunt me.
I retraced my steps
from coast to coast
A past put to rest
my future blazing
like the sun that just set -
yet this shadow will grow.
Shift the focus from adventure races
and mountain bike chases
to producing features
and soon to completion
a film I will call
my own.
Paint to point to produce
and I find I'm juiced but below is
37,000 feet
and one hell of a fall if I fall
so I sit here balanced
on it all.
This is the route I chose-
every aspect but one.
I won't deny it's been fun
but there's still
something
that seems went wrong
I can’t enjoy where I’m at
until I fix where I’ve been
but how can I fix this
shadow I’m in?
Still left unresolved
is my role in it all
I sit here and wonder
why is love
described by a fall?
Fall I did but
Wasn't it meant?
-Or was I just bent-
years of solitude
pointing me to you.
If the choice was mine
you would have have, too.
What happened instead
was that I was fed
my own trust
in words I wish
you left unsaid.
I know now
that things meant to be
rely on timing to become reality and
that one small word led to a lot of hurt
for you perhaps, for me
for sure.
So I'll go and let you go
and in my mind I'll know
that I believed in what we could be
but I just wish
you could tell me-
this one thing
Are you fuel for it all?
Blown up relationships
one of which
so close to perfection
to leave me with years
of frustration?
“Talented and driven"
say some
But that’s reaction -
not action,
staying busy waiting
for truth to come.
Should I thank you for this fuel?
do I owe you for
not coming through?
Attribute this and that
to your words "...I can't..."?
God knows it left me
with enough energy
to turn love to hate
to leave then wait-
and wait
and wait
no one comes
no you
or even another one
Now I just run away from everyone.
I’m dying for success
driven to be my best
pushing for it all
to come together
But it came together.
In a glance met with a smile
in a question met with a laugh
and in unrequited love met
with a lie.
The truth I waited for is a scar
I wear on my sleeve
in a place my heart
used to be.
4 down and one to go and
when it comes time
I'll say, "I told you so".
I hate when I'm right
but even more that you're wrong-
for me,
my goals
and now this song.
Now when I hear,
"...did you miss me?"
I'll know the answer. No,
not you but a girl
who would come though
all I have to do is meet her
when timing is true.
God knows what’s wrong
with me
But I still
wish
it was you.
Written July 2002